[ she folds her knees close to her and just sulks. this is so stupid. she's so stupid. she knows she's right when she told iris and yu that she doesn't want him to know. but somehow, that just makes things hurt right now.

maybe she should just tell him, though. he's going to go away, anyway. not literally, but the bond that they've shared this past month would probably be severed. that's okay. she's broken ties with people before, so this wouldn't be a first.

and the more she thinks about it, the more she wants to cry. she hides her face when the tears start falling, but the sobs she makes can't be controlled. they aren't loud, but it's similar to a child's cries when the toy they really like's been taken away from them. ]

This is so stupid! [ it's not often that she screams, but she does this time around, banging her head once on her knees. ] I just wanted things to be fun and exciting, but I keep ruining it.

[ it's like when she pulled a prank on simon just to spend more time with him. he got legitimately upset with her, which made her heart ache... this is the same kind of feeling. she's just too much, and probably nobody can keep up with her. maybe that's why. and maybe that's why simon went to the nexus. she just shouldn't... be with anybody in this way. she just shouldn't like anybody. ]

I really meant it when I told you I wanted you to be the happiest, but I seriously can't do it. [ her nails dig deep into her skin and she sighs in frustration. ] I don't know why... I keep trying... because I really like you...