[ It's a gesture she appreciates, even as the warmth in her heart makes her shiver because of its unfamiliarity. ]
I'm... all right.
[ She feels like a robot coming back to life. Or something. Some cold, icy thing being thawed in spring sunshine. Rapunzel smiles but nevertheless curls up at the far end of the booth, knees pressed to her chest, hair like a curtain around birdlike shoulders. ]
Just sorry. Like I said. You're sure you weren't... hurt in the long term?
[ Okay, that kind of posture isn't good enough. Instead of slipping into the seat opposite her, he sits next to her.
At first he presses his hands onto the table, then slips them down to his knees as he leans back. He bites his lower lip, letting out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding when she finally speaks. ]
Stop blaming yourself. You don't need to.
[ That same hand that had led her into the booth reaches out to pull her over now, pulling her into a half hug. ]
[ It's supposed to sound curious, validating, and genuine, but... suddenly her guilt stretches and flexes outwards. Why is everyone so okay with this? Why is everyone okay with what she's done - with what they've all just been through?
Instead, the question comes out snappish. ]
You'd have to be crazy. Seriously crazy, Merlin, to be fresh as a daisy after starving and fighting monsters for four days.
[ He indicates to someone behind the bar that they need a drink, not specifying what (which could be disastrous, but Rapunzel probably needs the liquid right now) and instead rests his head on top of hers. Mostly so she can hear him, but can't see his face for this.
His voice is soft when he speaks, quiet and solemn so hopefully she can hear the gravity of this. ]
Once... Arthur killed a unicorn and a curse befell Camelot. We were without food and water for... a while. I spend most of my life fighting monsters of magic, fighting people, sorcerers like me but not to keep Camelot safe. Some people... I imagine like you, probably haven't had to deal with any of this before but.
It's my life. It's my destiny. It's who I am.
[ He gives her a little squeeze. ] So stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself.
[ If anything this - his warmth, which, unlike hers, comes from a power completely aside from magic - serves only to increase the ache in her chest. She won't let herself cry or show anything other than frustration through her bitten lip, but Rapunzel does curl slightly towards him. Fuck it. ]
I don't want that. I'm - I'm tired of being the one people worry about and have to protect! Even out there, do you know what I did? I was invincible, Merlin, and I still messed things up for people.
Without Pascal, I probably would've let you die. [ And this, she knows, is going to sound so silly and shounen but-- ]
...I want to be stronger.
[ ...Thoooough maybe not: ]
I am stronger. If you're crazy then I am just as crazy as you.
No one is invincible. [ He murmurs back, voice quiet. ] And I already told you that I don't die that easily. I've been poisoned, I've been beaten, chased, and tricked, I've made decisions that will probably create chaos in the future because I believe people can change. I want to hope that it won't come to light, even if I'm scared. I've starved, thirsted for water, I've offered my own life for Arthur's--
[ His voice cracks a little, before he continues. ]
--I've taken a life for my friends, fought against a dangerous sorcerer that tried to take over my body, I've caused the death of countless of others by leading Arthur to a group of people who practiced magic for good because he believed Morgana was kidnapped...
Stop. Blaming. Yourself. No matter what you did, it's no where near as bad as what other people have done to me before--or what I've done to them. I'm not saying that you have to be protected, you cabbage head. [ YEAH!!! ] I'm saying that you're making things worse for yourself by trying to take more responsibility than you need to.
If you want to get stronger, then do it. Learn to wield something, because you'll probably need it here. [ He pulls back to press his hand under her chin, getting her to look at him then. ] You are strong, you don't need to prove anything to me.
Heh. My mother would love to hear this... [ Her own voice breaks hoarsely a little on the final word as she lifts a hand to rub uselessly at her eye with the bend of a wrist. ] Except for the wielding part. That would probably fall under "too dangerous", heh.
[ It's then that another woman, dressed similarly, if less "costumed", to Rapunzel and with a lizard's tail, comes out with their drinks. Judging by the wink she gives them, the contents may not be entirely palatable or wholesome.
Rapunzel, still frowning, but more at herself and with grief than anything, squeezes her arms together again and turns to stare out the grimy window. ]
...You must think I'm so petty. After having been through so much and - ...Nn. I'm doing it again aren't I? Why would you tell me all of that? Why do you care?
[ "About me" is the part she leaves off. Namely because she can't quite bring herself to ask a question she's afraid of having answered when she's come to care quite a lot about him too. Hearing the things he's saying, picturing the strife and the horror he's seen - it makes her sick and sad all at once. Here she is falling apart and Merlin, the one who ought to be the most upset, is putting her back together again. How can she not feel ashamed of that?
What is she supposed to feel other than that and fierce gratitude? ]
[ He's sure plenty of mother's here would love to hear this, to hear that their children are lost in a world that's darker than they can possibly imagine. His own mother would be horrified, she'd be horrified to even hear what he's been through--what she sent him to--but at the same time he knows that she believes in him.
She believes in his gift. In what he can do. That alone is enough to keep him pushing on, even without the changes he sees in Arthur by his aid.
He doesn't pay that much attention to that woman when she brings the drinks over, but he does give her a slight mumble of thanks as he tries to stay focused on the friend that needs him right now.
His hand drops uselessly when she turns her face away. Her words, too, cut a little deeper than she probably expects. ]
I don't know. I'm not proud of a lot of the things I've done, though some... [ Like the witchfinder... setting him up to fall is something he can be proud of when he was a liar that bargained people's lives for cash ] I can't say I could care less about. Being your friend... is something I care about though.
Don't you?
[ He reaches out as he ends his words there, fingers gently brushing back her hair until it can tuck it behind her ear. ]
[ At this the game is just about up. Rapunzel tries not to react, tries not even to flinch, but his fingers brush her cheek and her ear and she shivers, disturbed once again by his kindness towards her.
If he feels the warmth in her face he'll know his well-timed words have landed. ]
Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. [ Well it's lighter than before, at least. The air around her, the air in this four seater stall that they've wound up in, even the restaurant itself. It seems that the lady left them with a cocktail of sorts, and it looks like a neon green now he's paying more attention to it.
It's like going back a month to when they met a second time in that stupid shack playing pick-a-potion.
His hand moves to ruffle the top of her hair, grinning as he picks the glass up. He's actually a bit worried about what's going to be in this, how strong it'll be but then he's raising it to his mouth. ]
Only one way to find out-- [ Merlin??? Don't try and cheer someone up by drinking some unknown liquid? Too late, though, considering he downs about half of it in one go.
[ Definitely shades of their earlier experience. Only this time it all happens too fast for Rapunzel to do very much about it. One minute she's staring intently at the drink and about to examine it, the next it's in his hands and... down his throat.
Suffice it to say she's stunned. ]
Merlin! Didn't---? Haven't you learned your lesson?!
[ Only he has the nerve to laugh at the look on her face. That sure was strong, and he's still feeling the burn as his vision feels... like it's all over the place actually. ]
It's just alcohol.
...Lots of alcohol. [ He screws his eyes shut and tries to get the taste off his tongue, now that the shock is wearing off... ew... ]
Oh, is it? [ There's a slow, evil smile spreading across her face that completely takes over her sadness. Rapunzel, excited now, scoots and leans over so she can take the glass herself. ]
I've never had alcohol... Mother had wine sometimes on special occasions. Ale. Mead. Things like that? Never me, though...
[ ...okay, T-Swift, control yourself. Merlin even looks at her as she takes the glass. One finger covers the top, and while he's still trying to get rid of the taste he says: ]
You do realise we're supposed to drink responsibly, right?
[ Them? Responsible? Ha...!!!
The grin he gives her is utterly telling that he knows that won't happen, but really he's just glad she's perking up a bit now. ]
[ She picks up his finger with two hands, holding his gaze as she lifts it up and away with theatrical slowness, and then slides it back towards her. ]
Hey. You're the one who told me about drunks in the first place. [ She'd known about the weird serving alcohol thing, of course, but it hadn't crossed her mind that she could have some too.
And unfortuantely for the denizens of this establishment, Rapunzel just so happens to be very much in the mood to give the finger to the old lady. Still grinning, she takes possession of her own glass and-- ]
[ He can't stop himself from laughing, because he did tell her about drunks in the first place but he never expected it to come to this. With him downing down the most foul tasting alcohol he's ever had then her doing the same. ]
I did, don't make me regret that.
[ It's even funnier when you consider that neither of them probably have the credits to get truly drunk... ah. ]
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[ It's supposed to be a joke, but of course, she's only half joking. ]
...I underestimated Cerealia. I thought it would all be fun and adventures.
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Come on, let's take a seat.
[ With that hold on her arm he turns her gently towards one of the stalls, clearly visible to the bar and lets her sit down first. ]
I can't say I thought much differently, even if I was already warned. How are you holding up?
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I'm... all right.
[ She feels like a robot coming back to life. Or something. Some cold, icy thing being thawed in spring sunshine. Rapunzel smiles but nevertheless curls up at the far end of the booth, knees pressed to her chest, hair like a curtain around birdlike shoulders. ]
Just sorry. Like I said. You're sure you weren't... hurt in the long term?
[ EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY TBH ]
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At first he presses his hands onto the table, then slips them down to his knees as he leans back. He bites his lower lip, letting out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding when she finally speaks. ]
Stop blaming yourself. You don't need to.
[ That same hand that had led her into the booth reaches out to pull her over now, pulling her into a half hug. ]
I'm fine, see! As fresh as a daisy.
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[ It's supposed to sound curious, validating, and genuine, but... suddenly her guilt stretches and flexes outwards. Why is everyone so okay with this? Why is everyone okay with what she's done - with what they've all just been through?
Instead, the question comes out snappish. ]
You'd have to be crazy. Seriously crazy, Merlin, to be fresh as a daisy after starving and fighting monsters for four days.
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His voice is soft when he speaks, quiet and solemn so hopefully she can hear the gravity of this. ]
Once... Arthur killed a unicorn and a curse befell Camelot. We were without food and water for... a while. I spend most of my life fighting monsters of magic, fighting people, sorcerers like me but not to keep Camelot safe. Some people... I imagine like you, probably haven't had to deal with any of this before but.
It's my life. It's my destiny. It's who I am.
[ He gives her a little squeeze. ] So stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself.
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I don't want that. I'm - I'm tired of being the one people worry about and have to protect! Even out there, do you know what I did? I was invincible, Merlin, and I still messed things up for people.
Without Pascal, I probably would've let you die. [ And this, she knows, is going to sound so silly and shounen but-- ]
...I want to be stronger.
[ ...Thoooough maybe not: ]
I am stronger. If you're crazy then I am just as crazy as you.
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[ His voice cracks a little, before he continues. ]
--I've taken a life for my friends, fought against a dangerous sorcerer that tried to take over my body, I've caused the death of countless of others by leading Arthur to a group of people who practiced magic for good because he believed Morgana was kidnapped...
Stop. Blaming. Yourself. No matter what you did, it's no where near as bad as what other people have done to me before--or what I've done to them. I'm not saying that you have to be protected, you cabbage head. [ YEAH!!! ] I'm saying that you're making things worse for yourself by trying to take more responsibility than you need to.
If you want to get stronger, then do it. Learn to wield something, because you'll probably need it here. [ He pulls back to press his hand under her chin, getting her to look at him then. ] You are strong, you don't need to prove anything to me.
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[ It's then that another woman, dressed similarly, if less "costumed", to Rapunzel and with a lizard's tail, comes out with their drinks. Judging by the wink she gives them, the contents may not be entirely palatable or wholesome.
Rapunzel, still frowning, but more at herself and with grief than anything, squeezes her arms together again and turns to stare out the grimy window. ]
...You must think I'm so petty. After having been through so much and - ...Nn. I'm doing it again aren't I? Why would you tell me all of that? Why do you care?
[ "About me" is the part she leaves off. Namely because she can't quite bring herself to ask a question she's afraid of having answered when she's come to care quite a lot about him too. Hearing the things he's saying, picturing the strife and the horror he's seen - it makes her sick and sad all at once. Here she is falling apart and Merlin, the one who ought to be the most upset, is putting her back together again. How can she not feel ashamed of that?
What is she supposed to feel other than that and fierce gratitude? ]
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She believes in his gift. In what he can do. That alone is enough to keep him pushing on, even without the changes he sees in Arthur by his aid.
He doesn't pay that much attention to that woman when she brings the drinks over, but he does give her a slight mumble of thanks as he tries to stay focused on the friend that needs him right now.
His hand drops uselessly when she turns her face away. Her words, too, cut a little deeper than she probably expects. ]
I don't know. I'm not proud of a lot of the things I've done, though some... [ Like the witchfinder... setting him up to fall is something he can be proud of when he was a liar that bargained people's lives for cash ] I can't say I could care less about. Being your friend... is something I care about though.
Don't you?
[ He reaches out as he ends his words there, fingers gently brushing back her hair until it can tuck it behind her ear. ]
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If he feels the warmth in her face he'll know his well-timed words have landed. ]
What... What is this anyway? The drink.
...
I-I'll have to get back on you on the rest.
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It's like going back a month to when they met a second time in that stupid shack playing pick-a-potion.
His hand moves to ruffle the top of her hair, grinning as he picks the glass up. He's actually a bit worried about what's going to be in this, how strong it'll be but then he's raising it to his mouth. ]
Only one way to find out-- [ Merlin??? Don't try and cheer someone up by drinking some unknown liquid? Too late, though, considering he downs about half of it in one go.
Woah the diner sure is...
spinning. ]
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Suffice it to say she's stunned. ]
Merlin! Didn't---? Haven't you learned your lesson?!
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It's just alcohol.
...Lots of alcohol. [ He screws his eyes shut and tries to get the taste off his tongue, now that the shock is wearing off... ew... ]
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Oh, is it? [ There's a slow, evil smile spreading across her face that completely takes over her sadness. Rapunzel, excited now, scoots and leans over so she can take the glass herself. ]
I've never had alcohol... Mother had wine sometimes on special occasions. Ale. Mead. Things like that? Never me, though...
[ HEH HEH HEH HEH ]
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You do realise we're supposed to drink responsibly, right?
[ Them? Responsible? Ha...!!!
The grin he gives her is utterly telling that he knows that won't happen, but really he's just glad she's perking up a bit now. ]
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[ She picks up his finger with two hands, holding his gaze as she lifts it up and away with theatrical slowness, and then slides it back towards her. ]
And anyway. Aren't I always responsible?
[ L O L GOOD ONE ]
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[ He nods his head towards the wall, eyebrow raising. ]
And since when have you ever been responsible?
[ He isn't moving to stop her this time though. Instead he says: ] Here I was, thinking you brought me here to become a drunk with you.
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And unfortuantely for the denizens of this establishment, Rapunzel just so happens to be very much in the mood to give the finger to the old lady. Still grinning, she takes possession of her own glass and-- ]
Cheers, Merlin.
[ CHUG CHUG CHUG!!! what a badass ]
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I did, don't make me regret that.
[ It's even funnier when you consider that neither of them probably have the credits to get truly drunk... ah. ]
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Then Rapunzel makes a face. ]
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done
you're so gross
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1/2
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