sortileges |

[ To be fair, being content wouldn't be as loud, it's probably more like soft waves lapping against the shore of a beach. Calm. Easy. His free hand reaches for hers, gives it a gentle squeeze. ]

Stop thinking about it and just be yourself. [ Nevermind that he jumped like 10 minutes ago because he thought she was going to smack him. ] That's all I want.

[ just be yourself, he says... as if that's actually easy.

still, she tries to get the idea out of her head. she looks at the hand that's on hers and just concentrates. ]

You know, I feel better this way. [ he's just so warm... it makes everything so much better. ]

[ Look if she stops worrying about what is or isn't there it's a lot easier. His hand shifts, fingers dragging over her skin until he can twist his palm to gently hold her hand instead. ]

Which way? [ He asks quietly, focused on the way their hands fit together. It's nice. It's definitely warm. The content feeling in his heart is definitely buzzing louder now. Like he's finally home. ]

Wheeeeeeeeen. . . [ she starts of strong. the enunciation is powerful enough to grab his attention, but then she trails off and her voice grows lower and softer.

her face is even a redder shade now than it was earlier. ]

Your hand is on mine.

[ her eyes dart around before she coughs loudly to clear her throat. ]

Don't laugh!

[ His eyes do flicker up at the drawn out "when" and now she'll feel his heart rate picking up in anticipation, a mix of nervous and joyful because he doesn't know what to expect.

Joyful definitely wins out when she finishes, and he hadn't planned on laughing at her, but his mouth twitches and his brow furrows a bit when she yells Don't laugh. ]

I wasn't going to. [ He squeezes her hand gently, draws it up until he can lightly press his mouth there. It's more of a brush than anything, while his own eyes close at the feeling of the contact.

Quietly, he adds: ] Then I won't let go.

[ "good", she thinks... and it really is good news for her, becauss if there's anything that could make her feel better about herself, it's this. it's unreal how someone can be so warm -- to give off that much light to someone, it's just something to look up to. and maybe that's why athena's grown so fond of him. she's so drawn to him like how the planets revolve around the sun.

so drawn to him... that she goes so far as to let his hand go and dive in for a hug, instead.

sorry, merlin. ]

[ It's unreal that someone who threatened to set something on fire, strike it with lightning with such conviction can also be like this, yes. Thankfully magic, Merlin, has more than one side to him and definitely has way more potential with things like this.

One day Kilgharrah will tell him that his determination to see goodness in people will be his undoing, and it isn't wrong. If anything, he'd rather believe. Believe in the people he meets and grows to like. Believe in the people they know, simply through stories.

Believe in her. She may have practically smothered him with a pillow but he's seen enough of her by now to know what's an accident and what isn't.

...This definitely isn't.

It's like the force of a tornado (and he can fucking make a tornado if he wants, he knows) crashes into him when she dives in for a hug. He doesn't know whether he needs to steady her or himself more, so he goes for her.

His head smacks against the floor, and even if pain is registering he's half laughing and half wincing because ow. ]

[ that bump was definitely loud enough for athena to hear. and she still hasn't let go of him as he (and she, subsequently) fell. half of her body is resting on his chest now, but she pushes herself up enough that her palms are flat on the blankets, merlin's head in between.

this is probably the closest they've been in a while, but maybe that will sink in later. she's more worried now than anything.

she leans on one hand as she uses the other to cup the back of his head. ]

That was loud! I'm so sorry -- are you alright?

[ He's starting to expect pain at the way things are going here. It seems like nearly every time they're together he gets injured in some way. Really, he's lucky there are blankets there to cushion his head a little against the concrete.

Dazed, he looks up at her, hands still pressed against her back and -- he stops laughing pretty quickly. He even swallows tight.

She can probably feel a slight bump on the back of his head, but it's nothing terrible, not like the way his heart rate is getting close to palpitation stages with how fast it's beating. His hands curve against her back, fingers moving to clutch at her shirt. It's a way of grounding himself when all he can see is her and his head is spinning from the wine and then getting smacked by concrete.

Is it really any wonder that rather drunkenly (from only that much wine? from the impact? from her?) he softly breathes, barely audibly: ] Beautiful.

[ It's when it registers in his head what he's said he lets go of her with one hand, reaching for the back of his head too. He's definitely a little more flushed than normal now as he tries to joke: ] Maybe I hit it harder than I thought...

[ merlin you've only had one glass...

but she's relieved when he doesn't pass out from the fall or anything. it seems unlikely that that could happen, but there was a loud thump! of course she would think that. and she breathes out a soft sigh of relief when she hears him speak. the way she breathes now is louder and heavier, and he can probably feel it in his face.

and hey, if he's able to say something like that, then he must be well enough.

she grabs a pillow with her other hand and lets his head rest on it gently. there. much better. and then she shifts and flops next to him, looking back up in the sky. this is such a mess. ]

Sorry. I don't know any magic, but I do know something that people do to make it all better.

Turn the other way... [ it's an invitation and not a command, at least. her tone suggests it. ] Don't face me.

[ he hasn't started hitting the tavern in his life yet-- but no it's just combined with the hit and how fast his blood is being pumped around his body right now, thanks Athena. One on its own would probably be more than okay!!! ]

You don't need to know magic, I'll probably be fully recovered in another hour. [ Especially now that the pillow is under his head. It's softer, soothes the throbbing at the back of his head. He glances over at her when she keeps speaking though, glancing over her face before he slowly pulls himself to look out towards the fairy lights.

His arm flops out against the blanket, palm flattening out. ]

Like this?

[ He half expects her to slap him tbh. ]

Edited (how did i end up with extra spaces sorry dskjgndg) 2016-03-02 22:41 (UTC)

Yes, just like that.

[ by itself, that sounds creepy, but thank god for brackets, amirite.

her eyes move to look at this nape, but thankfully, there isn't much to be seen because of his jacket. she shifts closer to him slowly, to not startle him. and this time, he might be able to feel her heart beat with her chest against his back. one hand slides to his shoulder and she moves even closer to kiss the back of his head.

it should have ended there, but she pulls that shoulder down to move him until he's facing her again.

and she kisses him on the cheek. it's a short, but sweet one, and she pulls away immediately after to generate some distance between them.

you know, just to make things less weird. ]

Okay, the second one was just so we're not at a tie.

[ now she has two on him, and he has one on her. while there isn't any prize (should there be one???), she definitely isn't going to let herself lose. ]

[ His breath is too heavy to hold it, as he waits for Athena to slide closer. His back feels incredibly warm once she presses herself close. His eyes flutter and his hand twists on the blanket, clutching the fabric for dear life when he can feel the tell tale signs of a kiss there.

It's when she pulls him down and towards her, her lips pressing against his face that he makes the softest choking noise. His eyes definitely shut, arm moving towards her but he suddenly freezes when she speaks.

Not the good kind of freezing either.

His arm flops against his own waist, bent at an angle to stay steady. His head stays tilted as well, though his eyes turn away from her.

Quietly he asks merely one simple (?) question: ] Is that really something you should be making a competition out of?

[ uh oh.

it's not that she's offended by the question, but she's more offended that he seems offended. see. this is why she didn't want to read into things, because they'll just end up hurting her. this is stupid.

though truth be told, she just wanted another reason to kiss him.

(unsure)... ]

It's over.

[ so, you know. let it go. ]

[ She's an idiot. That's what this boils down to, in the end. It isn't the kisses that are the problem (far from that) but they're part of something special. Something ...almost life changing and he can't tell if it's just because they're worlds apart when it comes to time or something else.

"It's over" stings way more than she probably intends, and now he thinks he's misunderstood too much when it comes to this. To everything that keeps happening.

Somehow it would actually be a relief if that stupid no face alien came and tore him apart right now. It would be easier, which is rather odd to think. He misses Gwen. He misses his friend who made more sense than more of the girls here because a lot of them are apparently crazy.

He rolls onto his front, pressing his face into the pillow and bites into his lip.

This is so frustrating. ]

I guess it is, then.

[ ;_; ]

[ she folds her knees close to her and just sulks. this is so stupid. she's so stupid. she knows she's right when she told iris and yu that she doesn't want him to know. but somehow, that just makes things hurt right now.

maybe she should just tell him, though. he's going to go away, anyway. not literally, but the bond that they've shared this past month would probably be severed. that's okay. she's broken ties with people before, so this wouldn't be a first.

and the more she thinks about it, the more she wants to cry. she hides her face when the tears start falling, but the sobs she makes can't be controlled. they aren't loud, but it's similar to a child's cries when the toy they really like's been taken away from them. ]

This is so stupid! [ it's not often that she screams, but she does this time around, banging her head once on her knees. ] I just wanted things to be fun and exciting, but I keep ruining it.

[ it's like when she pulled a prank on simon just to spend more time with him. he got legitimately upset with her, which made her heart ache... this is the same kind of feeling. she's just too much, and probably nobody can keep up with her. maybe that's why. and maybe that's why simon went to the nexus. she just shouldn't... be with anybody in this way. she just shouldn't like anybody. ]

I really meant it when I told you I wanted you to be the happiest, but I seriously can't do it. [ her nails dig deep into her skin and she sighs in frustration. ] I don't know why... I keep trying... because I really like you...

[ His lip bleeds a little, meaning he has to push himself up a little to press his hand there. The good thing, in all this, is that both his body and heart are durable. The bad thing is that he's also stubborn as hell, sometimes too blunt and insulting and just--

wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.

Biting his lip until it bled seemed like a fitting start for getting angry with himself for bringing it to this point.

He didn't mean it like this... He didn't want it to be like this. ]

...You're... [ He can hear the sobs and that makes this even worse, the raw pain in her voice. He can't feel empathy like she can, but he doesn't need to for this, does he?

He shouldn't have said anything. ] --wrong.

[ Slowly he pushes himself up, feeling a bit sick now that it's come to this. To her curled up in a ball crying her eyes out because he tried to point out that he just wanted the kisses to exist without anything else coming into it. Once he's up though, he moves a little quicker. First, shifting onto his knees, ignoring the aches in his body as he pulls himself until he's in front of her. His hands reach out for hers, pulling them both away from her skin. He looks down at the red lines that have formed there, eyes flashing as he murmurs a few words softly: ] Þurhhæle dolgbenn. [ With the state she's worked herself up into she probably won't notice the difference -- but he has enough dealing with the emotional state he's caused rather than the physical, too. ]

I think I should have worded that a lot better, shouldn't I? [ There's no sarcasm anymore, no biting words or insults. It's weird to think that fifteen minutes ago she was tackling him into a hug and he was laughing. He can't say she isn't beautiful even like this, mind you, but her smile is a lot better. Like when they were on the couch before Ai walked in. Like at the cafe when he flustered her then and there too. It's only been a month, but he's seen her for so many days of that it feels unnatural to have to take this many steps back.

He's too fucking stubborn to let that happen either, not when he'd wanted to just turn back towards her, to take this further by pressing his lips against hers instead of against her cheek. But they've both misread so much. Both been too unsure. He's a fairly private person by nature. Him actually coming out to so many people here only took place because his name is apparently famous. It's hard to hide it with all the danger and even then he can be free here. There's a lot he hasn't said though, about Arthur. About Gwen. About things he knows that will lie ahead in his future.

He isn't stupid, doing something like this. Something with her. It goes against everything he's told himself that his life was built for--for Camelot, for Arthur--but he can't stop himself when one of his hands slowly releases one of hers to try and slide it under her face, trying to get her to look at him. When he manages it, he asks her one question: ] What does a kiss mean to you, Athena?

[ He tries to wipe at her eye, tries to give her comfort because between her downing two cups of wine, him one, him hitting her head and this... flurry of emotions, he's worried how much they're going to backtrack if he doesn't save it asap.

He doesn't want to lose her. He refuses to. ]

Edited (html.....) 2016-03-03 01:07 (UTC)

[ [ she can barely hear him over the sound of her own heart throbbing, as well as her own sobs. she can't even look at him without crying some more. this is pathetic. she looks so pathetic right now.

and she's regretting everything. she wishes she could have just grown up as quickly as she wanted to. studying and graduating didn't really do much for her level of maturity, and it's why liking someone ends up with her being dumbstruck and acting so immaturely.

so she bites her lip hard to stop herself from sobbing. she even shakes her head a few times just to get him to stop looking at her, but that obviously doesn't work. things usually go well for her when she wings things, so why couldn't this be the same?

but eventually, she manages to heel and her sobs slow down. she stops crying. she says nothing for a while, a tooth still sinking into her lower lip. ]

Something... [ silence. she clears her throat. ] For someone you like...

[ Of course it doesn't work. For him, it's important that she knows he isn't going anywhere. For one thing, Athena is a dear friend above all else. Above the weird way she makes his heart pound, how she makes his palms sweat when they're close, how she makes him laugh over the dumbest things.

She's a friend, and he isn't going to ruin everything over a stupid misunderstanding.

His other hand lets go of hers, both palms against her face now as he tries to smear away the tears. It's only when her face is dry enough, he leans forward until (while still holding her face, cradling it tenderly, he presses his forehead to hers. ]

It's for someone who you treasure, who is important to you. Someone... [ A slow exhale follows, his thumbs swipe again, palms heating up her face. ] ...you don't want to lose.

[ His voice goes quiet, just a whisper as he hopes so much that she understands it when he says: ] I just didn't want it to lose that meaning. Not with you.

[ she shakes her head again, trying to convince him that he doesn't get it. she wishes she could just be a bit sad right now because this just feels so heavy, but she can't. she just gets absolutely crestfallen by everything, even those that are the least bit saddening. she sniffs as she holds back a sob, and she clears her throat again before she looks him in the eye.

if there's a look of compassion with a mix of seriousness one can give, then that is what athena is giving him. and then she shakes her head again. she knows what to say now this time around, but she just can't seem to speak.

so she closes her eyes and breathes in. this should calm her down. and once she feels like she's composed enough-- ]

I know that. That's why it's just you. [ she's crying again. ] And I never would have done it if I didn't mean it.

I really meant it. It's so stupid.

Stop deciding that for yourself--it isn't stupid. [ Well her bawling like this probably is a little bit, but there's no way he's saying anything that awful while she's like this???

He pulls himself up a bit then, and at first it probably feels like he's going to pull away. Against all odds, however, he leans to press a kiss against her forehead, holding it there.

Quietly, against her skin he says only a few words: ] It's just you, too.

[ merlin don't even think it??? just how horrible can you be...

she sniffs again when he kisses her forehead and whispers, wanting to cry even louder now. but at least she won't cry because she's sad. she still refuses to acknowledge what he says until he literally says Something, but those words do comfort her. her heart might already be sinking, but it begins to flutter now.

but she doesn't cry. even if widget is crying. she wants to smile, too, but she doesn't. not yet... not when she could ruin things again. somehow, though, being like this and hearing those words make her feel better. ]

Okay...

[ a nod, then she finally looks at him. ]

I mean this, too.

[ she shifts into an almost seiza position before she stretches and cranes her neck upwards to give him a quick peck on the lips.

and then she realises what she just did, and she backs away slowly, her hands covering her face. she should just bolt... in fact, begins to put on her shoes again (it's definitely taking a while, thanks shoelaces.) ]

I didn't do anything! It was Widget!

[ Pretty horrible, sometimes. Think of the hell you put him through during times like this???

He thinks she's going to cry again for a moment when it all goes silent, but when it feels like the air is calmer he lets out a small, slow, breath of relief. ]

Thank you.

[ For what??? It probably seems misplaced when he's leaning back, finally pulling his hands away to give her space.

Then it feels like time stops--or maybe he makes it stop, he isn't sure when his mouth is tingling, hot like the back of his neck then cool like a rush of air. His lips part and he freezes, a little dazed. It definitely isn't like the time Gwen got overwhelmed when she realised he wasn't dead and kissed him. At all. It's gentle, light.

And not enough.

Especially so when she's backing away like there's a fire or something. His hand reaches out for her arm, stops her from getting her laces fastened. His other hand delves into her hair, moving to hold her head in place and now maybe time is going too fast when he pushes forward until he kisses her. It isn't short and sweet like the kiss she just gave, it's firm, hands shaking with his lips burning, emotions flooding even to his fingertips.

It lasts a good 10 seconds before he breaks contact, mouth hovering close to hers. Breathlessly, he says: ]

Are you ever going to listen to anything I say?

[ ah. . . ]

[ when he grabs her, she almost wants to pull away as she screams and shouts. she refuses to believe it... why would anybody like someone so confusing as her, anyway? and for someone she likes to like her back -- it's happened before, but she's definitely been rejected more times. a cute guy from middle school gives her a love letter? she swoons and starts thinking about their future together.

until she realises that the letter isn't even for her, but for her best friend.

so this is another one of those dreams that happen while she's still awake. she knows the kiss is real, though. merlin said it himself, but...

she's so in denial.

her emotions as so all over the place too, and it shows with how widget switches himself off. now it looks like she has a black pendant hanging on her neck. she's feeling light, and not in a good way. she just wants to lay down and close her eyes to try and relax. but it doesn't seem likely right now... not like this. . . why couldn't she just run away? she's said her piece, and maybe iris and yu would be happy. and she wishes she could be happy too, but she refuses to. not when she could mess things up again. not when she could literally hurt him again. ]

Don't. . . [ she tugs on his shirt, averting eye contact. ] go, okay? I'll listen.

[ please still be her friend even if she's an emotional trainwreck. ]

[ His hand that had lodged in her hair releases now she isn't going to run away, and instead of going anywhere, he pulls her into himself. Or at least he tries to. The whole situation is a bit messy right now, considering she's practically got one shoe on and one shoe off or whatever (he isn't looking down to check) and she's been crying and his heart aches from all this strain. ]

Who is the one fighting to put on their shoes? I'm not going anywhere. [ Look if he can forgive her for trying to suffocate him, he can definitely forgive her for whatever hot mess this has been. Athena, please??? ]

Just lay down with me first? [ His hands move to take her hands, curling over them as they grip his shirt. ] We can try and get comfortable again first.

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this is to prove i can fight my thirst

i am so sorry

wails.........

ugh i'm in pain

why did i choose this route... can i get a retake...........

too late...

wails......

I can't breathe

gives you a paper bag.... takes one for herself

I feel like i'm the thirstier one between us rn

I JUST WANTED A NICE MOMENT WHERE SHE WASNT BAWLING OK ... no cho chang x harry potter kisses here

I ALMOST REPLIED WITH MY YATA JOURNAL fadksgsr

JESUS.........................