sortileges |

[ well, that sure did backfire on her. the gagging noise gives her the impression that he doesn't want to, but that's cool. that's cool. it doesn't bother her in the slightest-- who are we kidding, this is going to bother her her entire life. ]

If you don't want to, just say so?

[ she just wants to show him the dolphins... ]

[ ATHENA... ]

That-- [ Why is this happening??? ] --really wasn't it. Really. You just caught me off guard and with the wine this is really strong isn't it?

I want to.

[ she isn't fully convinced; maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's just her trying her best not to read into things... still, her eyes narrow and she gives him a dry look. ]

If you say so. [ and it's then that she remembers that this was supposed to be an activity to pay him back, and yet, she hasn't heard his heart make noises the same way a choir of angels would.

that's strange.

she's doing a bad job at this. ]

It'll be better than tonight, at least.

[ He doesn't get it? He said yes, so why is she giving him... that look? He opens his mouth to protest again because she still doesn't believe him but then she says the rest and

Now he's just Confused. ]

What are you talking about?

[ well, now you know that girls can be utterly confusing, merlin. good job. ]

Nothing? Just. I dunno. [ no, no, she won't say what she's thinking exactly. she'll phrase it differently. ] Are you having fun?

[ Gwen is clearly too good for any world... she doesn't put him through this. ]

Is that what you're worried about? [ He can't help it, he smiles. Genuinely smiles because well if it's something like that it can be easily rectified. ] I'm at peace. Content.

Were you expecting to hear something else? [ Now he's just teasing her. ]

[ okay, okay, okay. that's better. truly better. she can't hear it that well for some odd reason, but she'll believe his words. one's words are very important, after all. she should know; she's a lawyer. ]

I just don't want to mess things up again!

[ To be fair, being content wouldn't be as loud, it's probably more like soft waves lapping against the shore of a beach. Calm. Easy. His free hand reaches for hers, gives it a gentle squeeze. ]

Stop thinking about it and just be yourself. [ Nevermind that he jumped like 10 minutes ago because he thought she was going to smack him. ] That's all I want.

[ just be yourself, he says... as if that's actually easy.

still, she tries to get the idea out of her head. she looks at the hand that's on hers and just concentrates. ]

You know, I feel better this way. [ he's just so warm... it makes everything so much better. ]

[ Look if she stops worrying about what is or isn't there it's a lot easier. His hand shifts, fingers dragging over her skin until he can twist his palm to gently hold her hand instead. ]

Which way? [ He asks quietly, focused on the way their hands fit together. It's nice. It's definitely warm. The content feeling in his heart is definitely buzzing louder now. Like he's finally home. ]

Wheeeeeeeeen. . . [ she starts of strong. the enunciation is powerful enough to grab his attention, but then she trails off and her voice grows lower and softer.

her face is even a redder shade now than it was earlier. ]

Your hand is on mine.

[ her eyes dart around before she coughs loudly to clear her throat. ]

Don't laugh!

[ His eyes do flicker up at the drawn out "when" and now she'll feel his heart rate picking up in anticipation, a mix of nervous and joyful because he doesn't know what to expect.

Joyful definitely wins out when she finishes, and he hadn't planned on laughing at her, but his mouth twitches and his brow furrows a bit when she yells Don't laugh. ]

I wasn't going to. [ He squeezes her hand gently, draws it up until he can lightly press his mouth there. It's more of a brush than anything, while his own eyes close at the feeling of the contact.

Quietly, he adds: ] Then I won't let go.

[ "good", she thinks... and it really is good news for her, becauss if there's anything that could make her feel better about herself, it's this. it's unreal how someone can be so warm -- to give off that much light to someone, it's just something to look up to. and maybe that's why athena's grown so fond of him. she's so drawn to him like how the planets revolve around the sun.

so drawn to him... that she goes so far as to let his hand go and dive in for a hug, instead.

sorry, merlin. ]

[ It's unreal that someone who threatened to set something on fire, strike it with lightning with such conviction can also be like this, yes. Thankfully magic, Merlin, has more than one side to him and definitely has way more potential with things like this.

One day Kilgharrah will tell him that his determination to see goodness in people will be his undoing, and it isn't wrong. If anything, he'd rather believe. Believe in the people he meets and grows to like. Believe in the people they know, simply through stories.

Believe in her. She may have practically smothered him with a pillow but he's seen enough of her by now to know what's an accident and what isn't.

...This definitely isn't.

It's like the force of a tornado (and he can fucking make a tornado if he wants, he knows) crashes into him when she dives in for a hug. He doesn't know whether he needs to steady her or himself more, so he goes for her.

His head smacks against the floor, and even if pain is registering he's half laughing and half wincing because ow. ]

[ that bump was definitely loud enough for athena to hear. and she still hasn't let go of him as he (and she, subsequently) fell. half of her body is resting on his chest now, but she pushes herself up enough that her palms are flat on the blankets, merlin's head in between.

this is probably the closest they've been in a while, but maybe that will sink in later. she's more worried now than anything.

she leans on one hand as she uses the other to cup the back of his head. ]

That was loud! I'm so sorry -- are you alright?

[ He's starting to expect pain at the way things are going here. It seems like nearly every time they're together he gets injured in some way. Really, he's lucky there are blankets there to cushion his head a little against the concrete.

Dazed, he looks up at her, hands still pressed against her back and -- he stops laughing pretty quickly. He even swallows tight.

She can probably feel a slight bump on the back of his head, but it's nothing terrible, not like the way his heart rate is getting close to palpitation stages with how fast it's beating. His hands curve against her back, fingers moving to clutch at her shirt. It's a way of grounding himself when all he can see is her and his head is spinning from the wine and then getting smacked by concrete.

Is it really any wonder that rather drunkenly (from only that much wine? from the impact? from her?) he softly breathes, barely audibly: ] Beautiful.

[ It's when it registers in his head what he's said he lets go of her with one hand, reaching for the back of his head too. He's definitely a little more flushed than normal now as he tries to joke: ] Maybe I hit it harder than I thought...

[ merlin you've only had one glass...

but she's relieved when he doesn't pass out from the fall or anything. it seems unlikely that that could happen, but there was a loud thump! of course she would think that. and she breathes out a soft sigh of relief when she hears him speak. the way she breathes now is louder and heavier, and he can probably feel it in his face.

and hey, if he's able to say something like that, then he must be well enough.

she grabs a pillow with her other hand and lets his head rest on it gently. there. much better. and then she shifts and flops next to him, looking back up in the sky. this is such a mess. ]

Sorry. I don't know any magic, but I do know something that people do to make it all better.

Turn the other way... [ it's an invitation and not a command, at least. her tone suggests it. ] Don't face me.

[ he hasn't started hitting the tavern in his life yet-- but no it's just combined with the hit and how fast his blood is being pumped around his body right now, thanks Athena. One on its own would probably be more than okay!!! ]

You don't need to know magic, I'll probably be fully recovered in another hour. [ Especially now that the pillow is under his head. It's softer, soothes the throbbing at the back of his head. He glances over at her when she keeps speaking though, glancing over her face before he slowly pulls himself to look out towards the fairy lights.

His arm flops out against the blanket, palm flattening out. ]

Like this?

[ He half expects her to slap him tbh. ]

Edited (how did i end up with extra spaces sorry dskjgndg) 2016-03-02 22:41 (UTC)

Yes, just like that.

[ by itself, that sounds creepy, but thank god for brackets, amirite.

her eyes move to look at this nape, but thankfully, there isn't much to be seen because of his jacket. she shifts closer to him slowly, to not startle him. and this time, he might be able to feel her heart beat with her chest against his back. one hand slides to his shoulder and she moves even closer to kiss the back of his head.

it should have ended there, but she pulls that shoulder down to move him until he's facing her again.

and she kisses him on the cheek. it's a short, but sweet one, and she pulls away immediately after to generate some distance between them.

you know, just to make things less weird. ]

Okay, the second one was just so we're not at a tie.

[ now she has two on him, and he has one on her. while there isn't any prize (should there be one???), she definitely isn't going to let herself lose. ]

[ His breath is too heavy to hold it, as he waits for Athena to slide closer. His back feels incredibly warm once she presses herself close. His eyes flutter and his hand twists on the blanket, clutching the fabric for dear life when he can feel the tell tale signs of a kiss there.

It's when she pulls him down and towards her, her lips pressing against his face that he makes the softest choking noise. His eyes definitely shut, arm moving towards her but he suddenly freezes when she speaks.

Not the good kind of freezing either.

His arm flops against his own waist, bent at an angle to stay steady. His head stays tilted as well, though his eyes turn away from her.

Quietly he asks merely one simple (?) question: ] Is that really something you should be making a competition out of?

[ uh oh.

it's not that she's offended by the question, but she's more offended that he seems offended. see. this is why she didn't want to read into things, because they'll just end up hurting her. this is stupid.

though truth be told, she just wanted another reason to kiss him.

(unsure)... ]

It's over.

[ so, you know. let it go. ]

[ She's an idiot. That's what this boils down to, in the end. It isn't the kisses that are the problem (far from that) but they're part of something special. Something ...almost life changing and he can't tell if it's just because they're worlds apart when it comes to time or something else.

"It's over" stings way more than she probably intends, and now he thinks he's misunderstood too much when it comes to this. To everything that keeps happening.

Somehow it would actually be a relief if that stupid no face alien came and tore him apart right now. It would be easier, which is rather odd to think. He misses Gwen. He misses his friend who made more sense than more of the girls here because a lot of them are apparently crazy.

He rolls onto his front, pressing his face into the pillow and bites into his lip.

This is so frustrating. ]

I guess it is, then.

[ ;_; ]

[ she folds her knees close to her and just sulks. this is so stupid. she's so stupid. she knows she's right when she told iris and yu that she doesn't want him to know. but somehow, that just makes things hurt right now.

maybe she should just tell him, though. he's going to go away, anyway. not literally, but the bond that they've shared this past month would probably be severed. that's okay. she's broken ties with people before, so this wouldn't be a first.

and the more she thinks about it, the more she wants to cry. she hides her face when the tears start falling, but the sobs she makes can't be controlled. they aren't loud, but it's similar to a child's cries when the toy they really like's been taken away from them. ]

This is so stupid! [ it's not often that she screams, but she does this time around, banging her head once on her knees. ] I just wanted things to be fun and exciting, but I keep ruining it.

[ it's like when she pulled a prank on simon just to spend more time with him. he got legitimately upset with her, which made her heart ache... this is the same kind of feeling. she's just too much, and probably nobody can keep up with her. maybe that's why. and maybe that's why simon went to the nexus. she just shouldn't... be with anybody in this way. she just shouldn't like anybody. ]

I really meant it when I told you I wanted you to be the happiest, but I seriously can't do it. [ her nails dig deep into her skin and she sighs in frustration. ] I don't know why... I keep trying... because I really like you...

[ His lip bleeds a little, meaning he has to push himself up a little to press his hand there. The good thing, in all this, is that both his body and heart are durable. The bad thing is that he's also stubborn as hell, sometimes too blunt and insulting and just--

wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.

Biting his lip until it bled seemed like a fitting start for getting angry with himself for bringing it to this point.

He didn't mean it like this... He didn't want it to be like this. ]

...You're... [ He can hear the sobs and that makes this even worse, the raw pain in her voice. He can't feel empathy like she can, but he doesn't need to for this, does he?

He shouldn't have said anything. ] --wrong.

[ Slowly he pushes himself up, feeling a bit sick now that it's come to this. To her curled up in a ball crying her eyes out because he tried to point out that he just wanted the kisses to exist without anything else coming into it. Once he's up though, he moves a little quicker. First, shifting onto his knees, ignoring the aches in his body as he pulls himself until he's in front of her. His hands reach out for hers, pulling them both away from her skin. He looks down at the red lines that have formed there, eyes flashing as he murmurs a few words softly: ] Þurhhæle dolgbenn. [ With the state she's worked herself up into she probably won't notice the difference -- but he has enough dealing with the emotional state he's caused rather than the physical, too. ]

I think I should have worded that a lot better, shouldn't I? [ There's no sarcasm anymore, no biting words or insults. It's weird to think that fifteen minutes ago she was tackling him into a hug and he was laughing. He can't say she isn't beautiful even like this, mind you, but her smile is a lot better. Like when they were on the couch before Ai walked in. Like at the cafe when he flustered her then and there too. It's only been a month, but he's seen her for so many days of that it feels unnatural to have to take this many steps back.

He's too fucking stubborn to let that happen either, not when he'd wanted to just turn back towards her, to take this further by pressing his lips against hers instead of against her cheek. But they've both misread so much. Both been too unsure. He's a fairly private person by nature. Him actually coming out to so many people here only took place because his name is apparently famous. It's hard to hide it with all the danger and even then he can be free here. There's a lot he hasn't said though, about Arthur. About Gwen. About things he knows that will lie ahead in his future.

He isn't stupid, doing something like this. Something with her. It goes against everything he's told himself that his life was built for--for Camelot, for Arthur--but he can't stop himself when one of his hands slowly releases one of hers to try and slide it under her face, trying to get her to look at him. When he manages it, he asks her one question: ] What does a kiss mean to you, Athena?

[ He tries to wipe at her eye, tries to give her comfort because between her downing two cups of wine, him one, him hitting her head and this... flurry of emotions, he's worried how much they're going to backtrack if he doesn't save it asap.

He doesn't want to lose her. He refuses to. ]

Edited (html.....) 2016-03-03 01:07 (UTC)

[ [ she can barely hear him over the sound of her own heart throbbing, as well as her own sobs. she can't even look at him without crying some more. this is pathetic. she looks so pathetic right now.

and she's regretting everything. she wishes she could have just grown up as quickly as she wanted to. studying and graduating didn't really do much for her level of maturity, and it's why liking someone ends up with her being dumbstruck and acting so immaturely.

so she bites her lip hard to stop herself from sobbing. she even shakes her head a few times just to get him to stop looking at her, but that obviously doesn't work. things usually go well for her when she wings things, so why couldn't this be the same?

but eventually, she manages to heel and her sobs slow down. she stops crying. she says nothing for a while, a tooth still sinking into her lower lip. ]

Something... [ silence. she clears her throat. ] For someone you like...

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this is to prove i can fight my thirst

i am so sorry

wails.........

ugh i'm in pain

why did i choose this route... can i get a retake...........

too late...