Take a seat, [ she says, and she lets go of his hand for a while to head to the kitchen.
there sure are a lot of macarons in this box, and she has to put some on a plate and the rest in the fridge. merlin may have said that he doesn't want anything, but she's serving him a glass of water, anyway. and for herself, a glass of orange juice. iced.
she comes back to the living area with the tray of snacks and she serves them on the coffee table. ]
[ He does sit down while she heads to the kitchen at least. His head tips to rest against the couch but he slouches more than sits properly. By the time Athena does come back though she'll find that his head is starting to roll to the side a bit and his eyes are starting to shut. He doesn't even have the energy to jump when she returns, though he does slide his eyes open to look at her. ]
I forgot how comfortable not sitting on the floor was.
[ she looks at him with concern... maybe she should just let him sleep here? athena isn't particularly sleepy right now, but she could use some rest, too. that would be nice. but macarons are nice, too.
she takes a seat next to him and grabs one of the throw pillows to embrace it. ]
[ He tried every method he could think of to track her??? What did she think he did when she was taken? He frowns slightly then but his hand moves up to curl around the end of her hair, twisting it through his fingers. ]
That isn't... [ He takes a deep breath. ] It doesn't matter now, I'm just glad you're safe.
[ If you're comfortable you're more likely to fall asleep while reading :( ]
It's fine. If I fall asleep eventually, I do. I don't want to plan to do it.
[ Then his hand slides up, fingers brushing over her cheek for a moment. It's like he's too tired to realise he's even doing it, as though he's testing she's actually real at the same time. ]
[ she leans her face into his touch, feeling the warmth of his palm on her cheek. moments later, she cups his palm with hers.
"it's okay", she wants to tell him, but at the same time, she feels that he's heard enough of that already for the day. so she just gives him a reassuring smile without saying anything.
she will get him a blanket later on, though. just saying. ]
[ That makes him smile a little more though, his own hand warm between her cheek and her hand. It twitches slightly before he slides it a little until his thumb can trace the edge of her lip; yet, when he actually leans closer, he kisses her forehead instead. His head drops to rest against hers and he can tell she's holding back in trying to reassure him as well.
It's more that she doesn't really understand that it's the first time he's felt powerless though. He might have struggled through everything at home but it still worked in the end. Nothing he tried against Rei's robot's powers actually worked though. ]
[ until he says something, then she really won't get it. but it's so nice like this. a lone tear falls off her cheek, but it's nothing out of sadness. she's just really happy right now. now that he's relieved; now that she's home; and now that she's with him. ]
[ Sorry, it's hard to admit that when you're stubborn as fuck. His other hand reaches up to wipe that away. His eyes shut after though, not to sleep, but to just breathe and remember what it's like to do that without his lungs feeling tight.
It probably sounds like a rocky mess as he fights with his own issues here too, though he's trying to squash that down as well so there's only the relief and happiness that she's okay--
the only problem is that there's this echoing voice of this time in the back of his head as well.
It takes a long minute before he pulls back, letting his hands slide so he's holding hers, the other just flopping on his lap. ]
[ she does want a snack... a little bit, but she'd really like to hear merlin's heart beat the same way she knows it usually does. when he's happy. when he's thrilled. the sound is terribly different now, even though she does take solace on the fact that it's his. ]
I'll share, don't worry, [ she says jokingly. ] Chocolate?
[ When he's more comfortable with the idea himself, maybe he'll say it. Right now though, it's going to be caught under the surface, bubbling up a little. ]
...Did I even get chocolate? [ He doesn't......... even remember. ] Whichever is fine though, I don't feel hungry.
[ ah... this is the boob she knows, at least. or she barely knows, anyway.
she kneels on the couch and leans forward to kiss him on the lips. when she pulls away, she smiles and laughs, offering him a chocolate macaron. ]
You should eat. It looks like you've barely eaten.
[ or slept, for that matter. athena should probably point out that his shirt's all weird... maybe she should fix it, but that's probably the least of merlin's concern right now. ]
[ It helps though, amazingly enough. He seems to relax from that type of contact all on his own and somehow manages to push the nastier thoughts down to some other level so he can deal with it later. ]
...I forgot.
[ He takes the macaron without another word though, but it's hard to eat it quickly. He ends up having to just nibble at it over time. ]
[ that hurts to hear, because she'd really like it if merlin was 100% Okay... or at least 90%??? whatever, man. for him to forget the necessities because of her-- it hurts, but she's able to keep smiling, anyway.
she's a bit of a contradiction on her own. she has no control over her own emotions, but at the same time, she's really good at hiding how she truly feels.
looks like they'll both just eat macarons in peace. athena likely a bit faster than him in finishing one. ]
[ Look, if you were the most powerful person you knew and that was easily stamped all over, you'd feel pretty down too!!! But it's a bit difficult to admit that when you a) don't want to sound like a prick and b) don't want to admit you were useless. Gosh.
Though she'll probably finish a few before he even gets half way through his, and in the end he takes the half bitten piece and slides it against her lip instead. ]
It's too sweet. [ Really, he hasn't eaten enough to go to something this high in sugar, sorry love. ]
[ her lips curl into a pout, but she ends up biting on the macaron, anyway. she wishes she thought this through some more. when she got tortured by the ceres police, simon wasn't exactly beating himself up over it. she's not sure how to deal with something like this. then again, simon isn't as sensitive as this boob, so.
once she's eaten the rest of his macaron, she just looks at him filled with concern. for someone who's a master of psychology and counsels people for a living, she has no idea how to fix this. it's making her heart sink because of it, and widget makes it known by projecting a sad face on its screen.
[ Well he wouldn't be beating himself up over something like that--
he'd be burning those fuckers down.
When she looks like that though, he only feels guiltier because he shouldn't be making her feel down as well. He sighs when even widget mirrors it now too and reaches out to nudge her closer. His arm curls around her waist, pushing at the small amount of space between her back and couch to pull her in. ]
Sorry. I didn't want-- [ To make you sad too, is what he wants to say, instead he just goes quiet for a moment, eyes focusing on her shoulder, not looking at her in the eye. His other hand plucks and pulls at the jeans he tugged on probably yesterday at this point. The days have kind of blurred together.
Finally he finishes with: ] Every spell I tried was useless.
[ the feeling of being useless—she knows it well. she grew up feeling useless, after all. at least she understands him better now, and she moves closer to him and rests her head on his shoulder.
it's not easy to empower somebody who's down for feeling uselessness; the words that need to be used have to be personalised and specific. she doesn't look up at him but looks at the hand by his leg instead. she wants to grab hold of it and just hold his hand. she just wants to be with him right now, but that probably isn't enough. ]
I'm fine now, though, so don't worry, okay? [ a pause and she closes her eyes. her words are the same kinds of things she tells her clients; don't dwell on the past, focus on the present. ] I'm fine. That's- [ she swallows. ] that's what matters.
I don't know what that robot did, but you've done more than enough, Merlin. I'm really thankful.
[ It isn't a feeling he's used to at all. It's a first, actually, considering that with his magic he's even struck down a High Priestess, someone second to the goddess herself. The hand on his leg shifts, digs into the material and drags as he grips at it.
But it isn't the past he's thinking of. Nor is it the present, it's -- ] Now. But what about next time? I thought I... [ He just let's out a soft frustrated noise then and reaches up to rub at his eye instead, making it redder from doing it to hard. ]
[ no, don't do that... she takes his hand and entwines her fingers with his. anything she says at this point probably wouldn't do anything if he keeps worrying. but athena. athena is very determined to make him feel better, even if it's the last thing she does. ]
I'll beat up whoever tries to get me next time. [ she means it, too. ] Don't worry too much about me. But--
[ a beat. she doesn't know how to continue. there's something she wants to say, but she feels like it's the wrong thing to say. it won't make him feel any better if she tells him his abilities are limited and he can't do everything.
[ He blinks when he feels her hand take his, like he wasn't even aware of it at all. He doesn't even turn his gaze from that spot either for a moment, but her words actually only make him frown even more. ]
No. [ Ah? ] I don't know everything that happened while you were there, but doing that probably kept you safer.
[ And it's hard Athena. Like it's great that he can be himself here, but there's also this feeling that he can't escape the pressure of what his life is where ever he is. How is he supposed to be this great name if he can't even save someone he loves?
He takes a deep breath, squeezes her hands and shifts a bit. ] You aren't, sorry. It isn't your fault. I don't want you to feel down either. Sorry. It's probably just because I'm tired.
[ she knows that it isn't because he's tired, either. and it makes her feel all the more upset with herself. with everything that's happening. with everything but him. if she could only have one wish, it's to make him happy, but she can't even cheer him up at a time like this. and it's making her so sad... sadder than she already was earlier. ]
You're— [ there are a few more words she wants to say, but she lets go of his hand to cover her face with both hands this time around as she cries.
at first, they're quiet sobs but they grow louder, and eventually, she just ends up bawling. ]
[ Fuck. Not that he thinks of that word exactly, but it only makes him feel worse because now he made her cry. He shouldn't have come over, should he? Not when he was still a mess anyway. ]
Athena-- [ His voice cracks as he winces but at least now he isn't hesitating to reach out to pull her against himself, holding her close, holding her tight to himself. He rubs her back slowly, kisses at her forehead. ]
Sorry. I shouldn't have come until later, should I? I just wanted--
[ No... this isn't okay either and this time he bites into the corner of his lip until blood forms on the surface. ]
[ both hands immediately go to his shirt, gripping tightly as she continues crying. it's not intentional that she rests her face on his chest, but what else can she do when he's holding her so closely?
her cries are loud and childlike, the same kind of noises a child makes when a toy of theirs becomes broken. not that anything is broken right now, but her heart continues to sink and sink deeper.
she shakes her head in frustration, her grip on his shirt only growing tighter by the second. ]
I don't know what to do. I Just want you to be okay. [ it's not a request. it's a plea. there's nothing more in this world that she wants right now but this. ]
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there sure are a lot of macarons in this box, and she has to put some on a plate and the rest in the fridge. merlin may have said that he doesn't want anything, but she's serving him a glass of water, anyway. and for herself, a glass of orange juice. iced.
she comes back to the living area with the tray of snacks and she serves them on the coffee table. ]
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I forgot how comfortable not sitting on the floor was.
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she takes a seat next to him and grabs one of the throw pillows to embrace it. ]
You have chairs and a bed at home, Merlin.
[ what exactly did he do while she was away??? ]
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That isn't... [ He takes a deep breath. ] It doesn't matter now, I'm just glad you're safe.
[ He's just feeling sorry for himself tbh. ]
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Do you want me to get you a blanket? You can sleep here.
[ she's not kidding. ]
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It's fine. If I fall asleep eventually, I do. I don't want to plan to do it.
[ Then his hand slides up, fingers brushing over her cheek for a moment. It's like he's too tired to realise he's even doing it, as though he's testing she's actually real at the same time. ]
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"it's okay", she wants to tell him, but at the same time, she feels that he's heard enough of that already for the day. so she just gives him a reassuring smile without saying anything.
she will get him a blanket later on, though. just saying. ]
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It's more that she doesn't really understand that it's the first time he's felt powerless though. He might have struggled through everything at home but it still worked in the end. Nothing he tried against Rei's robot's powers actually worked though. ]
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It probably sounds like a rocky mess as he fights with his own issues here too, though he's trying to squash that down as well so there's only the relief and happiness that she's okay--
the only problem is that there's this echoing voice of this time in the back of his head as well.
It takes a long minute before he pulls back, letting his hands slide so he's holding hers, the other just flopping on his lap. ]
Sorry, you wanted macarons, right?
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I'll share, don't worry, [ she says jokingly. ] Chocolate?
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...Did I even get chocolate? [ He doesn't......... even remember. ] Whichever is fine though, I don't feel hungry.
[ Even though........ he's barely eaten....... ]
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she kneels on the couch and leans forward to kiss him on the lips. when she pulls away, she smiles and laughs, offering him a chocolate macaron. ]
You should eat. It looks like you've barely eaten.
[ or slept, for that matter. athena should probably point out that his shirt's all weird... maybe she should fix it, but that's probably the least of merlin's concern right now. ]
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...I forgot.
[ He takes the macaron without another word though, but it's hard to eat it quickly. He ends up having to just nibble at it over time. ]
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she's a bit of a contradiction on her own. she has no control over her own emotions, but at the same time, she's really good at hiding how she truly feels.
looks like they'll both just eat macarons in peace. athena likely a bit faster than him in finishing one. ]
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Though she'll probably finish a few before he even gets half way through his, and in the end he takes the half bitten piece and slides it against her lip instead. ]
It's too sweet. [ Really, he hasn't eaten enough to go to something this high in sugar, sorry love. ]
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once she's eaten the rest of his macaron, she just looks at him filled with concern. for someone who's a master of psychology and counsels people for a living, she has no idea how to fix this. it's making her heart sink because of it, and widget makes it known by projecting a sad face on its screen.
if he's going to sulk, then she's sulking, too. ]
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he'd be burning those fuckers down.
When she looks like that though, he only feels guiltier because he shouldn't be making her feel down as well. He sighs when even widget mirrors it now too and reaches out to nudge her closer. His arm curls around her waist, pushing at the small amount of space between her back and couch to pull her in. ]
Sorry. I didn't want-- [ To make you sad too, is what he wants to say, instead he just goes quiet for a moment, eyes focusing on her shoulder, not looking at her in the eye. His other hand plucks and pulls at the jeans he tugged on probably yesterday at this point. The days have kind of blurred together.
Finally he finishes with: ] Every spell I tried was useless.
I ALMOST TAGGED YOU AS YATA AGAIN... sweats
it's not easy to empower somebody who's down for feeling uselessness; the words that need to be used have to be personalised and specific. she doesn't look up at him but looks at the hand by his leg instead. she wants to grab hold of it and just hold his hand. she just wants to be with him right now, but that probably isn't enough. ]
I'm fine now, though, so don't worry, okay? [ a pause and she closes her eyes. her words are the same kinds of things she tells her clients; don't dwell on the past, focus on the present. ] I'm fine. That's- [ she swallows. ] that's what matters.
I don't know what that robot did, but you've done more than enough, Merlin. I'm really thankful.
ah dates yata instead then i guess?!?!?!
But it isn't the past he's thinking of. Nor is it the present, it's -- ] Now. But what about next time? I thought I... [ He just let's out a soft frustrated noise then and reaches up to rub at his eye instead, making it redder from doing it to hard. ]
oh ok :(
I'll beat up whoever tries to get me next time. [ she means it, too. ] Don't worry too much about me. But--
[ a beat. she doesn't know how to continue. there's something she wants to say, but she feels like it's the wrong thing to say. it won't make him feel any better if she tells him his abilities are limited and he can't do everything.
even if it is the truth. ]
Sorry. I'm being selfish, aren't I?
8(
No. [ Ah? ] I don't know everything that happened while you were there, but doing that probably kept you safer.
[ And it's hard Athena. Like it's great that he can be himself here, but there's also this feeling that he can't escape the pressure of what his life is where ever he is. How is he supposed to be this great name if he can't even save someone he loves?
He takes a deep breath, squeezes her hands and shifts a bit. ] You aren't, sorry. It isn't your fault. I don't want you to feel down either. Sorry. It's probably just because I'm tired.
[ It isn't. ]
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You're— [ there are a few more words she wants to say, but she lets go of his hand to cover her face with both hands this time around as she cries.
at first, they're quiet sobs but they grow louder, and eventually, she just ends up bawling. ]
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Athena-- [ His voice cracks as he winces but at least now he isn't hesitating to reach out to pull her against himself, holding her close, holding her tight to himself. He rubs her back slowly, kisses at her forehead. ]
Sorry. I shouldn't have come until later, should I? I just wanted--
[ No... this isn't okay either and this time he bites into the corner of his lip until blood forms on the surface. ]
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her cries are loud and childlike, the same kind of noises a child makes when a toy of theirs becomes broken. not that anything is broken right now, but her heart continues to sink and sink deeper.
she shakes her head in frustration, her grip on his shirt only growing tighter by the second. ]
I don't know what to do. I Just want you to be okay. [ it's not a request. it's a plea. there's nothing more in this world that she wants right now but this. ]
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